The Case For Time Outs

THE CASE FOR TIME OUTS

Taking the time to Reboot Your Brain

By Joel Turgesen MA, LPC

It may seem counter-intuitive at first, but when you lay it out, it makes perfect sense.  I’m talking about those times when the problem you’re facing is overwhelming you, tying you up in knots or otherwise making you feel beside yourself, afraid, angry or stuck.  Saying anything more just fuels the fire.  So, how do you unravel the knot?  How do you get out of the stuckness?  Start by taking a time out:

 T   turn              O  oxygen  (breathe!)

 I    into               U  unconditionally observe (mindfully) the body/emotional state

M   my                T  trust the process.  Trigger the processing system by tapping bi-laterally 

                                  or by taking a walk  (burn off some stress and give your brain some bi- 

                                  lateral stimulation at the same time)

 E   emotion               

First things First.  The first thing to remember is that you’re less likely to solve the problem in a contracted up-tight state than in a relaxed and confident one.  So, WAIT (Why Am I Talking?) and turn inward to your emotion.   Don’t expect to feel better or even reach a resolution by continuing the argument.  Instead we need to trigger the relaxation response in the brain, scientifically speaking, in order to counteract the stress response.  Here’s how to “reboot” the brain:

Turn your mind inwards.  Do a 180, what I call the “warrior move”.  Turn your attention from what’s kicking your butt to what’s being kicked up inside you.  Become willing to look objectively at the emotional state you’re in, at the E-motion (energy in motion).  Push in the clutch, so to speak, on the swirl of frantic thoughts about what you should do. And turn your mind to what you are actually experiencing now, painful or scary as that might be.   

Go in, I-N (Into Now)

Doing this, you begin to activate your “informational processing system”.  This is a higher cognitive system in the brain (much higher) than the flight/flight/freeze system which is now, as you do this, beginning to disengage.  Enter Into Now and Invite Neutrality.

Now get O-U-T of being stuck in distress:

O  for oxygen.   Breathe.  (Turns out, oxygen is good for the brain!)  Open your chest and belly and breathe in more fully.

U   for unconditiontal.    Sense in and observe, mindfully with unconditional understanding and neutrality, the actual physical sensations of the reactive energy in your body.  This act of observing will activate that all important part of the brain called the Pre-frontal cortex.

T  for technique like taking a walk or tapping, a physical action that doesn’t take any analytic thought but will provide the brain with some balancing bi-lateral stimulation.  While you’re observing mindfully, one breath at a time, give your brain’s informational processing system a little stimulation by alternately tapping in on either side of your body…(other “t” words might be:  finding a touchstone, talking with a trusted confidant, etc…) 

Put these 3 things together (Oxygen, Unconditional understanding and a

Technique that produces bi-lateral stimulation) and slowly, slowly, (pacing yourself 4 breaths at a time is recommended…) you begin to relax and expand.  In a word, you are out of the stuckness– by going in and thru the whole experience.

Transformation

Mental balance and health is achieved and maintained when we are 1. embracing our experience –all of it, painful or pleasurable - with gratitude and 2. when we are able to truly let go of our attachment to the things we can not change.