By Joel Turgesen

Listen to her. Her mind and her personality are totally different than yours – and viva la difference! Develop the art of active listening. She knows more than you do about relationships whereas it's a new field for you. Learn from her. Be interested, become very interested. (Google things like: the Female Brain or Personality Types).. To truly listen is the most intimate act.

Be steadfast. Women get stormy. You must go deep and anchor into your male soul becoming like a jetty in that storm. Good news: This is an area that you would be better at than she. Don't be afraid of the storm. She's in a survival mode, looking for your strength to reassure her. Have confidence and have faith. When you have your head in the spirit of Love, she can rest her head in you.

Love yourself. You have value in what it is that you do, achieve and have, yes, but did you know you have intrinsic value at a soul level. Get to know your soul. It's precious beyond measure. Your capacity to love her is the measure of how well you accept and love being you. Your shadow side (that which you don't yet accept about yourself) will distort how you interpret what she is saying to you.

What is in you that is of value without you having to do anything but discover it? Your soul (the accumulation of all things good, beautiful and true that you have thus far experienced), your personality (that unique exquisite pattern you were endowed with at birth) your intelligence (a vast universe of untapped potential). Becoming conscious of these attributes allows you to love being you in an ego-less kind of way and to be less dependent on the approval of others. We also grow more empowered to judge others less and to withstand the judgements of others. We'll see that, in fact, no one qualifies to judge another. We are all works in progress, doing the best we know how to do so far. Give grace and do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Know how to recover when you're knocked on your butt. Take a time out and process what happened. Learn the “anatomy of a reaction” and how to put the pieces back together.*

Know how to self-soothe. HALT when you're feeling hungry, angry, lonely or tired and take care of your needs before trying to do anything stressful with her. None of us are at our creative best when our inner balance is off because basic needs haven't been met. So don't try until you've had something to eat, transmuted your anger, gotten off the pity pot and/or rested.

Know how to reassure her when she's questioning you. “When she asks, ‘are you sure', reassure.” It's even okay to say, ”I don't know” or “that's my educated opinion”. The last thing she needs is for you to be defensive with her. She'll think you think she's stupid. She wants the relationship to be a partnership. She wants to be helpful to you, to help you be your best. Most of the time if she's “nagging”, it's just that she's hurt that you've done something sub-par and it pains her to see you less than your best. Listen to her, reaffirm your own intention to be your best and go for it .

Be non-competitive. An intimate relationship is a win-win proposition. Her needs are as important as yours so learn to dialogue**. Be open to doing things her way half the time. Learn how to say, “As you wish”. (You can have the last word, as long as it's ‘yes dear'.) This is not a passive puppy-dog position. This is a very powerful, very romantic and very smart position to take.

Learn how to touch her non-sexually . Practice massage techniques or Therapeutic Touch with her.

Enjoy her. Becoming a true husband will be irresistible to her and she will open up to you.

* see the “Look Before You Leap” Article

** see “Dialogue vs. Debate” handout